Zandronum

GROUP A Straight Ballin' [STB]
D'Sparil, Jwarrier, Razor, Goblin
0 pts (0-0-0) vs [LSD] LostShot Dudes
RoSKing, Infer, GhOsTKiLLeR, Starrk
0 pts (0-0-0)

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GROUP B No Game Scheduled [NGS]
Tai, Armour, Denzoa, Terminus
0 pts (0-0-0) vs [TVR] The Velveteen Revenants
Dragon, HumanBones, Legion, Cartel
0 pts (0-0-0)

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INTER The Overweights [OW]
Water, Dranzer, Shane, OurHero
0 pts (0-0-0) vs [E4] The Elite Four
Zakken, Caution, SkullRush, Dastan
0 pts (0-0-0) RESULTS

Straight Ballin' [STB] 1 - 2 [LSD] LostShot Dudes
Jwarrier, Razor, Goblin 5 - 0 RoSKing, Infer, GhOsTKiLLeR
Jwarrier, Razor, Goblin 2 - 5 RoSKing, Infer, GhOsTKiLLeR
Jwarrier, Razor, Goblin 1 - 5 RoSKing, Infer, GhOsTKiLLeR


No Game Scheduled [NGS] 2 - 0 [TVR] The Velveteen Revenants
Tai, Armour, Denzoa 4 - 1 Dragon, HumanBones, Legion
Tai, Armour, Denzoa 5 - 0 Dragon, HumanBones, Legion


The Overweights [OW] 2 - 0 [E4] The Elite Four
Water, Shane, OurHero 5 - 2 Zakken, Caution, SkullRush
Water, Shane, OurHero 5 - 2 Zakken, Caution, SkullRush

To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand map17. The map skills are extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical doom physics most of the gameplays will go over a typical player’s head. There’s also map17's vicious spawn points, which is deftly woven into his characterisation- his personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. Map fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these map features, to realise that they’re not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike map17 truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn’t appreciate, for instance, the humour in map17's dropped shot trolling which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev’s Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I’m smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as midian’s genius wit unfolds itself on their monitors. What fools.. how I pity them.

And yes, by the way, i DO have a map17 tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It’s for the ladies’ eyes only- and even then they have to demonstrate that they’re within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. Nothin personnel kid

STB vs Team Rosking
I'm gay

Team Tai vs TVR
both teams very strong on paper, but I think tai's third will be the end of him, denzoa will tilt off the face of the earth, or if it's moti then he'll be crushed by dragon's team.
2 - 1 for TVR

OW vs E4
not only is this water's strongest map, but shane and ourhero proved to be pretty good in practice as well, zakken's team on the other hand, they'll need a miracle from what I've seen in practice.
2 - 0 OW

STB vs LSD
Dsparil and Jwarrier are both strong individual players. If they can work completely in sync, they can do pretty much anything they want to. However we all know the strength of Caboose.. And with GhostKiller being the shot that he is, and Infer's smart O moves.. STB will have a tough time. So in all honesty I cannot predict who'll win so I'll just go for a tie.
0 - 0 - 3

Team Tai vs TVR
TVR makes cars... Cars goes fast...

OW vs E4
Water + 17 = win unless 3v2.
2 - 0 - 0 OW

STB < LSD
TAI > TVR
OW > E4

Tai vs TVR
I'd like to think that Tai's team has an enormous amount of potential to be great. I'm not sure how much they practice with each other, but they are going to need it coming in against TVR. TVR has already established synergy, all communicate with each other and that's going to give them a huge upper hand over Tai. Part of me feels that Tai's team could apply a lot of pressure and fluster the other team into their victory; But something tells me that TVR will clutch this out.

Tai 1 - 2 TVR

OW vs E4
It's hard not to imagine OW not winning here, but I feel that Caution and Zakken is the right combo to provide an upset. I think this will be game of the week, and it's going to rely on how much Caution and Zakken adapt to how Water sets his team up. I think E4 definitely has a shot, but it's not going to be easy. Because it's the beginning of the season, I'm going to say that OW wins this, but I think it will pave the way for E4 to win their next two weeks.

OW 2 - 1 E4

Results have been added to the OP

GGs

Lolz called it.