Fortunately/Unfortunately (Return To The Castle Zandronum)

[Balrog]

Fortunately:

A top-secret Soviet cheese mining unit was knocked out of orbit by the collision. Its Gouda shield activated in response to the oncoming meteoroids and shielded Castle Zandronum from the firestorm, while simultaneously dooming a nearby town to be consumed by lactose and space junk. Then...

[Cruduxy]

Unfortunately:

The mining unit explosion aggregated a race of hellish space cows who thought castle zandronum destroyed the unit.. Now hell bovines armed with milk-rifles and yoghunades surround the castle shielding in bunkers made out of swiss cheese..

Strategically the bovines shoot from a hole then hide inside it, popping from another and doing it over and over.. Making it neigh impossible for anyone to hit any of them!

Reinforcements join the bovines in a battalion of brave shamans who drew a star on the floor -of course using mouth-watering smelting cheese- and began summoning a storm.. A storm where it'll rain milk forever on the area...

But then....

[CloudFlash]

-=Fortunately=-
Tyrone suddenly stumbled upon Castle Zandronum's Armory, in which lied countless weapons of mass destruction, left by some other marines who tried to crush the defenses of Castle Zandronum alone. There were many gernade launchers, few nukes, few sloped transculent breakable soundproof 3d floors, one BFGover9000 prototype and one dog with green collar.

[Lollipop]

Unfortunately there was a magic barrier hindering acess and Tyrone can only get in if Igor gives him a special Key, only Igor have a copy of this key and it is imbued with Igors power. Tyrone Wonder how he is going to get the key from Igor, till his eyes lock on a crate, which might contain an answear. wondering what might be in the crate he walk over to the crate.
Fortunately...

[CloudFlash]

-=Fortunately=-
In the crate is...
...
...
...
..........
......................
*play get-fanfare from your favourite Zelda game*
The MASTER KEY of CASTLE ZANDRONUM!
This special key allows you to lock and unlock any door in the Castle Zandronum, even the ones locked with Igor Special Barrier Locks! Wonder where could you use it, Tyrone...

[Cruduxy]

Unfortunately

Once tyrone opens the barrier.. There is a titanium door behind it!! And the master key disappeared after usage...
A storm is approaching the castle and all defensive towers are unusable after getting all their windows and cannons shut with gelatin.

However...

[Jigsaw]

Fortunately, Tyrone was SO great at cheating, he somehow reached the ~ key of the Gods with his mind and silently cast a spell:

GIVE MASTERKEY

Therefore he had another key...

[Bloax]

Unfortunately, LORD IGOR BURST IN THROUGH THE CEILING, LOOKING VERY ANGRY AND PROCLAIMING:[/size]

SV_CHEATS MUST BE TRUE TO ENABLE THIS COMMAND[/size]
AND STOLE THE MASTERKEY RIGHT OUT OF TYRONE'S HANDS[/size]

[Igor]

Unfortunately, LORD IGOR BURST IN THROUGH THE CEILING, LOOKING VERY ANGRY AND PROCLAIMING:[/size]

SV_CHEATS MUST BE TRUE TO ENABLE THIS COMMAND[/size]
AND STOLE THE MASTERKEY RIGHT OUT OF TYRONE'S HANDS[/size]

FORTUNATELY, IT WAS A FAKE IGOR!

THE REAL IGOR SHOWED UP, AND TOOK THE MASTERKEY OUT OF FAKE IGOR'S HANDS AND PROCLAIMED:[/size]

I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING WITTY TO SAY, PLEASE ACCEPT THIS MASTERKEY AS AN APOLOGY[/size]

[Edward-san]

Unfortunately, Igor got attacked by the fake Igor with a Super Shotgun, stealing the masterkey from his hands in the process. The fake Igor revealed his identity as the last Chex Warrior, named as 'Cherry' (OMG WHY!) and his objective was to avenge his comrades, killed by the Snots which were manipulated, in his opinion, by Igor (:O !).

After that, Cherry managed to escape outside the castle by jumping outside. In mid air, he took a special BFG9000, called LAZ9000, made with the combination of plasma energy and the phasing zorch. After yelling "TAKE THAT, YOU HUMPY CRIMINAL!", he fired a very huge ball, 10 times greater than the BFG9000 ball, in direction of the castle. It is said its power could destroy 5 Zandronums.

Fortunately ...

[Bloax]

Fortunately, he missed and instead zorched Castle Wolfenstein.

[CloudFlash]

-=Unfortunately=-
From the ruins of the Castle Wolfenstein, a hand emerged. It wasn't some special hand, if not for the fact that it had 3rd degree zorch burns all over. Soon a second hand followed the first, and after that a whole person burst out from it's rocky and sudden prison.

Adolf Hitler looked over to the west, from which the strange, gigantic green ball came. He whispered a single curse under his breath. Mighty Adolf Hitler! Beaten by a FUKKIN STRAY SHOT!
This is certainly not how one would dare to pick up a fight with Nazis. This is certainly not!
Bruised Hitler rose on his sore feet and yelled out a single command.
"RELASE THE KRAKEN!"

[Bloax]

Fortunately, Tyrone was blissfully ignorant of all these terrible things happening just outside Castle Zandronum.

[CloudFlash]

Unfortunately he wasn't blissfully ignorant of all these terrible things happening just outside Castle Zandronum for very long, because at this very moment Hitler led his army of zombie nazis and a single Kraken towards Castle Zandronum. And no, I don't want to know where did he get zombie nazis from either.

[Spottswoode]

Fortunately, the zombie army was incredibly stupid and got lost on the way to Castle Zandronum. Only Hitler and the Kraken arrived at the gates of Castle Zandronum. Igor rose, badly wounded, and prepared to deal with Hitler, the Kraken, and, of course, Cherry the last Chex warrior. Unfortunately......

[Slim]

Unfortunatley, There was no support, no weapons, things looked grim for Igor. His only chance could be a miracle.....

[Edward-san]

Fortunately, the Kraken got attracted by the sweet biscuit around Cherry and so, both were fighting each other, with rockets and tentacles projectiles. Hence, Hitler was going to fight Igor. Unfortunately...

[Spottswoode]

Unfortunately, Cthulhu descended from the sky and summoned the Ginyu Force and began a massive wave of destruction. Fire rained down from the sky and severly scarred the land as Cthulhu began to send the world into a thousand years of darkness. The Ginyu force began attacking the Kraken. Fortunately.....

[Slim]

Fortunately, Hitler was decked in the face by a rouge Ki blast from the Ginyu Force. And Igor grabbed his dual chainguns and sported the cliche sunglasses and cigar, Hitler fell back and called upon more zombie nazis while trying to handle his over 9000 degree burns. Igor let loose on the Nazis, giving them another trip to hell. Igor also left a grenade in one of the Kraken's suction cups on one of it's tentacles. Unfortunately...

[Bloax]

Unfortunately, this was the one tentacle that managed to slither around Igor's head - and thus blow his head off.
The newly headless Igor fell to the ground along with the great beast with a grand crash, both defeated in mortal combat.