Fortunately/Unfortunately (Return To The Castle Zandronum)

[someoneelse]

It's another game kind of similar to three word story, but allows you to show off your deranged creativity with more invention than adding "Randomn1ck666 mom odamex". And also it will be some relax from AMA threads :)
How does it work? So, one person writes a story, then, another person starts from the word "Unfortunately" and tries to screw up the situation. Then, another person starts from "Fortunately" and tries to fix it. Example:
"There were few smart dudes trying to make a game" "Unfortunately, they had no cash to make a big project" "Fortunately they found a company" "Unfortunately they were forcing them to mass-produce shovelware" "Fortunately they gathered enough cash to make a technically novelty game" "Unfortunately they had no cash to distribute it" "Fortunately they got idea: publish it as shareware" etc.
Of course it doesn't have to be a one sentence if you feel like being creative... In such case it's good to make a post telling you're editing so there will be no doubleposts...
OK, I'll begin.

The nameless marine took a deep breath as he climbed atop the steep hill. He was on Earth again. His shotgun was needed here for one more time. He looked far, at the horizon. He could see his destination. He returned to the castle Zandronum. Unfortunately...

[mifu]

Unfortunately he got lost, and ended up in a room labeled "Igor's Lab"

[Torvald]

Ohhh I remember doing this when I was in middle school, it was really fun.




So - to the story.

"The nameless marine took a deep breath as he climbed atop the steep hill. He was on Earth again. His shotgun was needed here for one more time. He looked far, at the horizon. He could see his destination. He returned to the castle Zandronum. Unfortunately..."


Unfortunately his quest for restoration of greater earth would not be as easy as he had foreseen. On top castle Zandronum, the horizon paraded a force in the distant that stretched off far into the sun - a militia of hell that stood ready specially for him. The nameless marine was overwrought and anxious simultaneously. how he would undertake this this feat was beyond him, fortunately...



Edit: damn you Mifu! I need to be quicker with my posts.

[Lollipop]

The nameless marine took a deep breath as he climbed atop the steep hill. He was on Earth again. His shotgun was needed here for one more time. He looked far, at the horizon. He could see his destination. He returned to the castle Zandronum. Unfortunately...
Unfortunately he got lost, and ended up in a room labeled "Igor's Lab"

Fortunately The lab had a lot of cake stored up, and he decided to eat it.

[Ruin]

The nameless marine took a deep breath as he climbed atop the steep hill. He was on Earth again. His shotgun was needed here for one more time. He looked far, at the horizon. He could see his destination. He returned to the castle Zandronum. Unfortunately...
Unfortunately he got lost, and ended up in a room labeled "Igor's Lab"

Fortunately The lab had a lot of cake stored up, and he decided to eat it.
Unfortunately, Igor's lab is rather dark. Our lactose intolerant hero did not realize he was eating a piece of chocolate cake.

[CloudFlash]

Fortunately, Igor did. Just when Nameless Marine was about to chomp down a deadly dose of lactose, a loud 'ROAAAAAAR' shook the Castle Zandronum. Earthquakes caused Nameless Marine to relase the newly found cake with a loud 'THUD', attracting Igor's incredibly divided attention. As Nameless Marine stared in shock at incoming figure, he managed to stutter 'D-d-do yo-o-ou w-wwwwaaaAAnt?? S-some?'. After a moment of tense silience, Igor happily replied 'YUSH YUSH IGOR WANTS TO CAKE'. ... ... ... Unfortunately...

[Lollipop]

Unfortunately Igor tried to make a giant sandwich of cake with Nameless Marine in the middle, and he tried to escape... Fortunately...

[Impact]

Fortunately, despite failing to wriggle out of the human sandwich, the nameless hero kicked back as the breaded coffin started to grow dark inside the foul cave of Igor's mouth, knocking one of his teeth out, and causing Igor to flinch and drop the sandwich.

[CloudFlash]

Unfortunately Nameless Marine now had to face the fact that he was falling from Igor's ugly mouth on even uglier floor of Castle Zandronum, along with one very very sharp tooth which would surely impale his head as soon as he would end his fall.

[Ijon Tichy]

"No. Stop it. Stop hollering about Igors and sandwiches. It's creepy."

The Marine got up, apparently having been hit by a blast of hallucinatory gas. Shaking his head to hopefully clear the dementia from his head, he got up, no longer thought to be completely mute, and without any weapons or armour on him. Oh well. At least the trap - whatever it was - didn't actually do anything.

"Just how did you get here anyway?"

Both this new companion and the Marine were stuck in a dark, dimly lit corridor. Broken planks littered the floor, and rotting planks covered the ceiling. Crudely-wrought iron bars connected the floor and ceiling, and both directions revealed nothing. The constant thumping of demon footsteps lightly droned on, and the air was filled with a burning, damp heat.

They were below the front lines somehow. Maybe the hallucinations were to capture the marine, but either way, he dodged the army - a lucky break, considering he only had 12 shells on him.

Hell forgot one thing; he had a nasty right hook, and he wasn't afraid to use it. The Marine brushed off his knuckledusters, and moved forward.

"So, uh, should I cover this side, or...?"

The Marine shrugged. The other man was doomed anyway. They were both doomed to death, but that was merely an inconvenience to the Marine. He shot his way back to life once. He can do it again.

A set of footsteps marched forward, at an alarming pace.

[CloudFlash]

-=Unfortunately=-
As Marine hid behind the pillar, which provided both an ambush assistance and cover from possible spam of fireballs, Lost Souls, Jehovah witness and whatnot, he could hear his mysterious companion chuckle.
"Where the heck is your weaponry, nyuub? You want to die here or what?!", angrily whispered Marine while pumping his shotgun.
"You...", said the mysterious companion, "just got outsmarted by DEMONS!!! BAAAHAHAHAHAHA"
As soon as those words echoed, mysterious man changed. His muscles buffed out, his skin changed color to crimson, his hands developed sharp talons, his feet turned into hooves and two hugeass horns grew on his head.
"AND NOW", said the mysterious no-more companion, "WE WILL MAKE YOU PLAY OUR COLLECTION OF MAPS CREATED FOR THIS EXACT PURPOSE BY OUR MOST FAMOUS MAPPER KNOWN AS TERRY"

[IdeIdoom]

Fortunately, the Nameless Marine grabbed the companion and slashed away at him, tearing its guts out while doing so with hatred and satisfaction. Now, those demons who were attacking him retreated as they feared him, shouting "BARON OF HELL, RUUUN!!" As our hero, transformed into the so-called "Baron of Hell", was confused, he went to Igor, trying to get an explication of "Why were demons in here and why he was morphed into one", unfortunately...

[Blasphyx]

Unfortunately, Igor was nowhere to be found. The Nameless Marine walked through an unclosed sector, lazily neglected by the not-so-famous mapper Terry, into the endless abyss so he will be in a calming environment to think.

The Nameless Marine had realized he had no choice but to consult the mysterious Space Motherfuckers From Space. The Motherfuckers were conveniently on their way to Jupiter for their weekly Jupiter harvest.(they smoke Jupiter) All the Nameless Marine has to do is use UAC's surveillance drones that orbit Jupiter to send a distress beacon.

Though...it is known that the Space Motherfuckers From Space only care about 2 things from the Milky Way galaxy. Philly Cheesesteaks from Earth and Jupiter to generate their recreational mind altering substance. Why would they grace the caucasian marine with the honor of being black?(and in turn, human again)

[CloudFlash]

-=Fortunately=-
Nameless Marine walked through the Castle Zandronum, deep in thoughts. How could he possibly consult Space Motherfuckers From Space if he wasn't either a Jupiter generator nor Philly Cheesesteaks from Earth? Was there really no hope for him after all? If only he had at least some Jupiter, he could make those Space Motherfuckers From Space listen to him... But where on Earth could he get any Jupiter? After all it is known to be extremely ra-

*BANG*

"GAH DAMMIT MY HEAD" Cursed Nameless Marine after he bonked his head on huge slab of Jupiter, which suddenly appeared right in front of him with no sense at all. In Castle Zandronum everything can be found, I guess.

[IdeIdoom]

Unfortunately, the Philly Cheesesteaks were at a newly made Cyberdemon's chamber, a demon modified to have 2 rocket launchers instead of one, which the usual one does have. The only way to kill him is with Igor's new invention, BFG10K, but he was nowhere to be found. So, the Nameless Marine started searching through-out the whole Castle, except the chamber where the newly modified Cyberdemon rests, but it was nowhere to be found. So, he sneakly entered the monster's chamber, fortunately....

[Blasphyx]

Fortunately, the the solid(!!! ) hunk of compressed gaseous to solid converted Jupiter had so much mass compacted in it that it reacted to the 1.5 ton mass of steel in the Cyber's body. The Cyber was ripped to shreds leaving the 4 foot philly cheesesteak exposed. Now the Nameless Marine has a giant philly cheesesteak and a nug of processed Jupiter to appease The Motherfuckers...but how would one philly cheesesteak and one Jupiter nug appease the Motherfuckers?

Suddenly a flash of purple funky light pierces the room. One lone Motherfucker finds the nug that he lost in his Jupiter Harvest in the clutches of the Nameless Marine. The Motherfucker hears the Nameless Marine's story and agrees to funkify him. "I shouldn't do this but....", the Motherfucker pauses as he points his finger at the demon turned Marine. A funky base line shatters the sound barrier and the Nameless Marine turns human again...but is now African American...with an afro...and his name is now Tyrone. Mind you, he is not Motherfucker, he is merely an African American earthling.

The motherfucker leaves Earth with a satisfied expression as his takes his nug of processed Jupiter and his philly cheesesteak munchies with him in his stoned haze of Jupiter intoxication.

[Edward-san]

Unfortunately...
While the motherfucker was leaving Earth, his space ship got hit by a sack of space debris orbiting the blue planet, forcing him to return back.
While it was traversing the atmosphere, he felt a sudden growth of the temperature inside the ship, making it incredibily hot. He couldn't finish his words: "YOU REAL MOTHAFUCK-", that he incinerated completely. Yeah, unluckily for him, the debris managed to pass the ship thermal insulation, leaving it there a huge hole which didn't resist to the burning impact with the atmosphere.

As if that were not enough, the Jupiter exploded, transforming all the falling ship in a huge fireball, larger than 200m. At a certain point, it split in tons of fireballs, forming a very big meteor shower.

Tyrone saw the imminent catastrophe, which was going to hit the castle (yeah, the celestial mechanics explains that, too), from the inside. Also, some noises could be heard from the meteors, like "YOU REAL MOTHAFUCKA! YOU GOING TO PAY! TRY TO STOP THE INVASION FROM MY COMRADES!", and Igor was still hidden.

Fortunately ...

[spoiler]Hey! I noticed that the title 'Return to castle Zandronum' sounds very familiar to me ... :P[/spoiler]

[someoneelse]

I've heard some guy on IRC uttering those words and I fell in love with them

[Blasphyx]

Fortunately, the motherfucker was a space motherfucker from space. Matter cannot be created or destroyed, so the Universe absorbed the motherfucker's remains and spawned a new motherfucker at an undisclosed location far from any influence at Castle Zandronum in this motherfucker's image with his memory intact. The motherfucker is pissed about losing a Jupiter nug that he worked hard to process, and the giant philly cheesesteak that was going to satisfy his munchies; but alas, the Motherfucker's work is done.

The story of Tyrone, however, continues.

[CloudFlash]

-=Unfortunately=-

Castle Zandronum was a normal castle. It was indeed very big, made of stone and some wood and had several decorations such as huge windows, big ornaments hanging here and there and few marines impaled on some sticks. It also contained several hundreds of hyper deadly monsters, few tons of ammunition collected from marines unlucky enough to stumble upon it's cold walls, a handful of gernade launchers and a huge reserve of Jupiter and Philly Cheesesteaks.

'Which doesn't change the fact that it was made almost entirely of stone.', thought Tyrone as he looked at the beautiful midnight sky through the circular hole in the ceiling, created by a hasty meteoroid. Night was exceptionally beautiful, with literal sea of stars blinking endlessly, a big full moon, hanging proudly on the night sky like king in front of his minions, and -of course- very large number of steadily enclosing meteoroids. Tyrone couldn't help but admire the incoming shover of death and Doom, but then...