The void stares back; a creepypasta

[Torvald]

Feeling bored I decided to engage in some writing just for shits n' giggles. Tell me what you guys think, feel free to critique it.

It was a truly gloomy night indeed, one to remember for a life time.....




I woke up late that night jolted by a loud crack against the window, one that would ruin the slumber of any heavy sleeper. I remember staring deeply into the light of my alarm clock adjacent to my bed: 3:00 AM Branded in deep red while the pattering sound of rain continuously fell against the window. A few moments passed before another crash of thunder snapped at the window coaxing me to get moving. I'm up now, might as well get out of bed and take a leak with this persistent rain regulating my bladder like a built up dam. My body swung itself over to one side and carried the motions to get going. You don't think in this state mind, you just do - like an autopilot. The vivid memories of grand architecture flooded my mind; through the barren wastelands I trudged along the valley into the mountains. There I would bear witness to a monument of biblical proportions: thick granite stone slabs, neatly stacked with no imperfections Stretching miles high into the clouds - an ever climbing spire into a world above. It was a remarkable structure clearly not of this realm. The castles ominous beckon filled me with ambition and terror, but I knew there was something momentous to be found inside it's dampened walls. I will return to this spire one day. Fumbling for the light switch in the bathroom I was met with blazing light, enough to burn a hole through my eye sockets....God dam LED light bulbs. So I carry on with my usual business, perch myself on the royal throne, sit back & ponder the quandaries of life; reminisce in old memories. When I got up to the sink to clean myself up I was greeted with another roar of thunder, enough to make me jump that time. I think There is something to be said about thunderstorms, I've heard some people like to believe that angels are bowling up in heaven. Me? I just find it calming - to a degree. The soft rumbling of the sky like a mountain cascading through the clouds, some people do find it very therapeutic. But tonight just felt different as a whole, as if this storm didn't really belong. Turning on the tap, I grabbed a cloth to clean myself up before stumbling my way back into the distant land from which I was King. The lights suddenly flickered and went out for a brief moment before illuminating the room again. I will admit, even though it was no more than a few seconds, the darkness carried well over a minute in my head. I counted silently, anticipating the inevitable thundering whip soon to follow ".......2.......3.........4.........." Nothing, I thought to myself - it was weird, but It was even harder to concentrate from the total darkness I was stuck in. Feeling inept I moved over to the window trying get a glimpse of the robust storm raging outside. Nothing again, I was staring into total darkness. At least those two black dots I kept seeing were gone - you know when you stare into the light fixtures too long? yeah, I figured I'd zoned out while washing my hands and vacantly stared too long into the light again. I shrugged off and carried on back to my bedroom. It wasn't until I had crawled into bed that it dawned on me there was no flash of light outside the window either; Peculiar indeed. So much can happen in a brief moment that you don't even register in your head what has already happened...until it has already happened. No, the lack of thunder and flash of lighting was definitely the last thing to mull in my head. I was already drifting back into the other world - one I cognized far better than the world I resided in - however I couldn't help but shake the feeling that something was still off. Was it the the brief moment of darkness? The rain that had completely halted and the lack of weather outside? I couldn't infer any reasonable notion that would support this ...wild hunch, so I continued to drift off slowly, staring out the window into the blackened fog that lay beyond. No clouds anymore, no rain flowing down the glass window, just complete and total darkness. My final thoughts would eventually slip back into haven before I fell sleep..................... not the lack of rain, not the lack of thunder, not even the lack of life outside my window bothered me, no....it was that disgusting thing following my every movement in the bathroom. The moment that flicker occurred, the moment the lights went out, I knew something wasn't right. Off in the corner of my eye while gazing out the window..... the mirror. What I saw could not have been me, I know that much; those black dots couldn't have been from staring at the light fixtures, they stayed glued to the mirror. Those morose empty sockets staring back at me following my every movement; Something as rotten and inhuman as that... that thing residing in the mirror. I can still feel it's hollow - yet abhorrent - stare, watching me. Much like the flashing light the sky brought forth that morning, it vanished with the returning light. My mind took great satisfaction & comfort in the warming presence of those glass bulbs, I felt safe as long as they continued to illuminate the room......



Needless to say, I carry a flash light under my bed now every time I go to the washroom at night.

[Ermac]

Seems like a paranormal experience to me, when that occurred and have you had any other encounters besides that one ?

Godspeed

[Disguise]

An interesting read... would like to see some more!

[Captain Kupo]

pretty good. it sets up the atmosphere and then the actual creepy part happens, but it doesnt try too hard to be shocking or gory.
Much better than most creepypastas, which for the most part are
"a spooky thing happened and then a dead skeleton zombie goast popped out and it was bloody and i died and now im a dead skeleton zombie goast"

[mr fiat]

it was alright, it was well written but it felt like it was just building up forever and then it just stops without realy creeping or scaring me even remotely.

[CloudFlash]

Things I like:
Well, at least there was no 'hyper realistic blood' or 'do not look behind you' or 'you are next'

Things I didn't quite like:
The format. One huge paragraph? Best.Ever. Split it up a bit, next time?
The plot. This story is basically "Man goes to take a dump at stormy night, dozes off a few times, comes back to the bed, and then he looks at mirror. From that point, he always sleeps with a flashlight under his pillow, because hail logic". Not very convincing, I'd say.

Still, the writing style was better than 85% of stuff I see on the internet...And I've seen a lot of internet, do believe me.[/size]

[Torvald]

Thank-you for all the feedback, I appreciate it.

it was alright, it was well written but it felt like it was just building up forever and then it just stops without realy creeping or scaring me even remotely.

The shock factor comes at the end, but I can also discern where your perception of the story comes from, and I respect that.

pretty good. it sets up the atmosphere and then the actual creepy part happens, but it doesnt try too hard to be shocking or gory.
Much better than most creepypastas, which for the most part are
"a spooky thing happened and then a dead skeleton zombie goast popped out and it was bloody and i died and now im a dead skeleton zombie goast"

I did try to create what tvtropes would describe as fridge horror but I was worried about making it too cliche'. That was arguably the hard part for me.

Things I like:
Well, at least there was no 'hyper realistic blood' or 'do not look behind you' or 'you are next'

Things I didn't quite like:
The format. One huge paragraph? Best.Ever. Split it up a bit, next time?
The plot. This story is basically "Man goes to take a dump at stormy night, dozes off a few times, comes back to the bed, and then he looks at mirror. From that point, he always sleeps with a flashlight under his pillow, because hail logic". Not very convincing, I'd say.

Still, the writing style was better than 85% of stuff I see on the internet...And I've seen a lot of internet, do believe me.[/size]

I agree with you, I definitely could have formatted that better.

One thing you posted has piqued my curiosity. When you say the plot wasn't "convincing", what part specifically wasn't convincing to you? The argument I present is under the conjecture that, in any traumatizing circumstance, a person can become very irrational. It is parallel to a kid who hides under the covers of his blanket and feels safe; illogical, but he feels better regardless.